April 30, 2024

I don’t know if we answered the question is it possible to cheat in non-monogamous relationships?

Monday, 15 April 2024 by

Perel wrote Mating in Captivity, a different book, and has written extensively on cheating and infidelity, also talks about it on her show, Where Should We Begin? It’s a really interesting listen. Definitely listen to it. It’s fascinating.

In my mind, that’s like cultivating and creating autonomy between yourself and the person or people that you are with because if you’re with them all the time which is hard right now because we’re all in captivity, no, we’re all like in our home, potentially it’s more challenging to do that but it is still very important. Esther Perel says, “There is nothing like the eroticized gaze of the third to challenge our domesticated perceptions of each other.” Whoa.

Dedeker: Then, like a lot of the stuff that we talked about on the show, Perel also discusses how unlikely it is that our partner is going to provide everything that we could ever want and yet when a partner is not providing absolutely everything that we could ever want, a lot of us are very quick to immediately look for it in others and are sometimes pressured to leave a relationship if a partner is not sexually fidelitous.

Bear in mind that Perel’s mostly writing this book for monogamous people and talking about traditional monogamous relationships, and yet she also straddles the line for sure, of being fairly pro non-monogamy but also trying to bring in a lot of that very natural, again, like that eroticized charge that comes from your partner being someone who is much more autonomous and independent from you and hoping to encourage people to do that even in their monogamous relationships.

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